Forgiveness can be easier said than done. Do you easily forgive others when they do wrong to you? Have you ever had anyone not forgive you and you wished they did? What does it mean to forgive? #forgiveness #BGBG2

What is forgiveness?

If you truly have forgiveness it means that you do not allow that to hold you back or get to you anymore. It means you washed the other person clean of the wrongdoing they have done to you. It also means you forget it. In other words, you let it go! Sometimes we do not forget. To forgive we must deny ourselves and not be selfish.

Definition of Forgive

Forgive is the root word of forgiveness. According to dictionary.com forgive means …

for·give  [fer-giv] verb, for·gave, for·giv·en,for·giv·ing.

verb (used with object)

1. grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.);absolve.

2. give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation,etc.).

3. grant pardon to (a person).saving

4. cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one’s enemies.

5. cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.

Forgiveness is not good news if it only releases the guilt and doesn’t open the way to God.

John Piper

Christ forgave us

Another good quote like in this graphic I found online from C.S. Lewis. “To Be A Christian Means To Forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” 

The Bible says we are to forgive others or Christ won’t forgive us. Do you want your sins forgiven? Then we must forgive others for sinning against us (or doing wrong unto us). Christ died for our sins so we can be forgiven. He became our sacrificial lamb. See the Bible verses in the list below.

• Mark 11:25-26
• Matthew 6:14-15
• Luke 6:35-38
• Matthew 18:35

I like this quote “A wise man will make haste to forgive, because he knows the true value of time, and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain.”

East to West Sea of Forgetfulness

Christ casts our sins into the sea of forgetfulness. Our sins were cast as far as the East is from the West. Not to mention, our sins to be remembered no more. So where is the sea of forgetfulness? Well, it is a place that I wouldn’t want to know where it is. Because all is forgotten there.

How far exactly is the East from the West? Well just think the Earth is round so, you can keep going and going. If you travel East you will always travel in the direction of East. The same applies if you are traveling West. Notice it never said from the North to the South. Once you reach the most Northern point and you continue traveling now you are traveling South. Same way if you go to the most Southern Point now you are going North. So North to South has a defendant ending point. The East to the West or West to the East doesn’t. It just keeps going. Almost like the Energizer Bunny, that keeps going and going. Just the same, God’s forgiveness keeps going and is everlasting. If God can forgive our sins, shouldn’t we forgive the sins of others and ourselves? See the Bible verses in the list below.

Check out this blog post: Forgive our Trash Baskets

Quotes

Forgiveness is simply a loving courtesy we extend to others because God extends that same love and courtesy to us. It is taking someone off of our hook and placing them at the altar of God…and trusting God to deal with the person in His way and His time.

Grief Bites: Finding Treasure in Hardships by Kim Niles (YouVersion)

To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”

Listen to this song by Casting Crowns “East to West” that talks about forgiveness and sins that are cast as far as the East is from West

Psalm 103:12 is where the above song came from. That verse reads, “As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.” 

Bible verses on Forgiving one another

• Ephesians 4:32
• Colossians 3:13

I like what I heard at Johnny Hunt’s Men’s Conference: Love the Sinner and Hate your Own Sin. Usually, we hear Love the Sinner and Hate the Sin. But I like it better to say hate your own sin. You are only responsible for yourself no one else’s salvation but your own.

Christians Songs About Forgiveness

Check out these other songs on forgiveness:

• Matthew West “Forgiveness”
• TobyMac “Forgiveness”
• Sanctus Real “Forgiven”
• Skillet “Forgiven”
• Saving Darkness “Forgiveness”

Check out the story behind Matthew West’s song Forgiveness. (Part 1 & Part 2)

Do good to others & forgive

The Bible says we are to do good & love unto our enemies. Those who do us wrong. We are to love them and pray for them. If they are hungry we are to feed them. We are also to forgive them. Plus, we are to bless our enemies. I know this can be hard to do. If you see your enemy in need, we must give them aid. Maybe our hospitality will let them see God in us and become saved. In the movie The Secrets of Jonathan Sperry, the kids he is witnessing to, they talk about a bullying. They tell him he always takes a slice of pizza from them at the pizza joint. He tells them, when he does, offer him a second slice.

See the Bible verses in the list below.

• Matthew 5:44-45
• Romans 12:20
• Luke 6:35-38
• Proverbs 20:22

Another quote that I like is “Those who deserve love the least need it the most.”

Check out this moving scene in October Baby about forgiveness. As I went to re-watch the above scene, it brought tears to my eyes. So it is a very moving scene. It can show you the power of forgiveness and the importance of forgiveness.

Confess Sins

One thing we must also do too is confessing our sins. We must confess our sins to Christ and to one another. Plus, we must also repent (or turn away for sin). On top of that, we are not sinless, but we should try to sin less. We have to remember when we forgive that the other person is not sinless, they sin just the same as you and I. They make some of the same mistakes or similar or even different mistakes than we do. See the Bible verses in the list below.

• 1 John 1:9
• James 5:16
  

Forgiveness helps our relationships

By forgiving one another we show Christ love for one another. Forgiveness helps mend relationships and help keep relationships because we are sharing God’s love with one another. If we want a successful relationship we must have Christ in the picture of that relationship. Christ must be first!

Check out this blog post on “Love never gives up, love forgives”

“‘Forgiveness’ is the F-bomb that we don’t hear dropped enough.”  – Ashton Air-1.

In closing:

If Christ forgives us for sins, we are told to forgive others so we can be forgiven. Shouldn’t we forgive others when they do wrong against us? So let’s forgive each other while we still have the chance because we are never promised tomorrow! You have the power to choose to forgive. Forgiveness gives you the power to be free. Plus you will feel a weight lifted off when you forgive someone else. One other thing as I close, not only do we need to forgive others, but we must forgive ourselves too. Too often we forget to forgive ourselves. Christ on the Cross even said, “Father Forgive Them For They Know Not What They Do.” So we should have the same mindset. Forgive others including ourselves. Remember, Sin blinds us.

A quote from Martin Luther King Jr. “Forgiveness is God’s Command.”  I couldn’t have summed it up any easier than that.

Check out this video, You, Sin & Christ, A Simple Illustration. It can show us how the blood of Christ can cleanse us clean.

If you have done wrong against a fellow person, make it right today! If someone has wronged you, forgive them!

I like what Pastor Jimmy Inman said from True Life Church. It was reshared recently on Facebook:

The sermon notes and questions listed below are from a sermon Jimmy Inman gave on forgiveness several years ago.

“The Freedom Of Forgiveness”
Matthew 18:21-35

Introduction: Each of us has been hurt by others at various times in our lives. Some of us have been wounded greatly. Also, we have conflict and relational difficulties that need to be reconciled. How do we often respond to those types of situations? Three common methods are: (1) freeze out (the silent treatment), (2) blow up (have a temper tantrum), (3) play games (act like everything is ok when inside we are seething). How should we respond? God wants us to respond by taking responsibility and going to the person to work things out in the right way (Matthew 5:23-24, 18:15ff.). He tells us to forgive those who wrong us. Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

Synopsis of the Parable: There are three men involved: a king and two servants. The first servant owed the king an unpayable debt that would be equivalent to roughly 9 billion dollars today. The king was compassionate towards him and forgave him for the debt. The second servant owed him a comparatively small amount equivalent to approximately $15,000 dollars today. In other words, the first servant’s debt was 600,000 times greater. However, he did not forgive the second servant like the king forgave him but had his fellow servant thrown into prison. This made the king very angry, and he had the first servant punished. The point is that God has forgiven us of an unpayable debt so we have no grounds for unforgiveness, but we are to freely forgive others.

The Definition of Forgiveness: Charles Stanley captures the essence of this passage when he defines forgiveness as

“an injury, a debt resulting from the injury, and the cancellation of the debt.” Ultimately, forgiveness is the choice to no longer hold another person’s wrong and hurtful actions against him or her.

Charles Stanley

The Command To Forgive: Jesus told Peter in v. 22 that we are to forgive and keep on forgiving (Colossians 3:13).

The Basis For Us Forgiving Others: We are to forgive others because God paid the ultimate price of the sacrifice of His dear Son to be able to forgive us. No one has wronged us as much as we have wronged God. God has been gracious to us, and we are to be gracious to others.

The Nature of Forgiveness: It is:

• A Conscious choice
• An act of obedience to God
• To be unlimited
• A blessing to both parties
• An act that sets us free
• An act of mercy
• Expressed to the other party
• Costly
• The Nature of Unforgiveness: It is:
• Something that hurts both parties
• An act of hard-heartedness
• Ultimately more costly than forgiveness
• An act that means we are acting like God has not forgiven us
• Something that hinders our fellowship with God
• Something that puts us in bondage
• Suggested Process For Forgiving
• Ask God to reveal to us anyone that we need to forgive.
• Realize it is a choice and accept our responsibility to forgive and attempt to work out relationships.
• Make a decision to release the debt and forgive.
• Work through feelings and emotions.
• Ask for God’s grace and the empowering of the Holy Spirit to enable us to forgive.
• Go to the person and extend forgiveness to him or her.
• Ask God’s forgiveness and the other persons if needed for wrong attitudes or retaliatory actions.
• Meditate on the cross and God’s incredible forgiveness that he offers through Christ.
• Stop rationalizing a lack of forgiveness.
• Repeat the process as needed.

Discussion Questions:

1. How do you usually deal with it when someone wounds you?

2. Is it a sin to live in unforgiveness?

3. What are some common misconceptions about unforgiveness?

4. How can those of us who have been forgiven through the sacrifice of Christ not forgive others?

5. Who do you and I need to forgive right now?

6. What practical steps do we need to take in order to forgive and try to reconcile?

The following are attempts at answers to the questions that were sent to me in response to me asking on Facebook about people’s questions and struggles regarding forgiveness. I preached on this subject yesterday at True Life. It will be on our web page (thetruelifechurch.com, Listen to Online section, Building Blocks of Healthy Relationships series) sometime in the early part of this week. Forgiveness happens when there is an injury or wrong, a debt resulting from the injury, and we choose to cancel the debt. It is deciding to not hold what was done against the person anymore. I will attempt to make a practical application of this principle in answering these questions. In attempting to answer them, however, I fully recognize that questions about forgiveness are generally born out of difficult situations and general answers may be insufficient for particular situations. One other thing to remember in regard to forgiveness is that one person can choose to forgive, but it takes two people working together to reconcile a relationship.

1. Where does discernment factor into the relationship and what do we do when it is ongoing with someone vindictive? These are two different questions from two different people, but I think they fit together. I think that one of the tougher situations in which to forgive is when the person keeps doing the thing that is hurting us. Upfront, we obviously need to be discerning before getting into various types of relationships, but we can certainly be fooled. If it is a relationship that we do not have to be in or that we can righteously depart from, at some point, we may have to exit the relationship or at the least, set up some boundaries. Being a forgiving person does not mean being other people’s piñata or doormat. If someone is hurting us, we need to lovingly but firmly confront that person. In some cases, a third party will be needed to help in working through the difficulties.

2. Does reconciliation always have to happen for there to be forgiveness? You cannot have reconciliation without forgiveness, but you can have forgiveness without reconciliation. It takes one to forgive but two to reconcile. We can choose to forgive the other person independent of what they do, but both parties must be willing to make things right and work on things for there to be reconciliation. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” We are responsible for what we do, and the other person is responsible for her actions. In most cases, the goal should be reconciliation, but if we forgive and try to reconcile the relationship, we are not guilty if the other party is unwilling to do what is necessary for healing and reconciliation to transpire. There are some cases in which reconciliation is not possible or wise. Examples would include forgiving someone who is no longer alive, forgiving someone that you no longer have any contact with and cannot locate, someone who has committed a crime against you (in some cases, at least), someone who is not safe to be around, someone who will not be honest, and in some cases, when someone will not stop the behavior causing the problem.

3. What about offenses where another person may not realize they had caused an injury or hurt? God’s command to forgive is still the same. As far as dealing with it practically, I think we have to decide if this is something we can deal with inside of ourselves, between us and the Lord, and get over it. If we cannot do that, we need to talk to the other person about it and let them know that they hurt us, we have forgiven them, but we needed to talk about it in order to move on in the relationship.

4. How do forgiveness and grief go together? They are somewhat connected and somewhat separate at the same time. They are connected in the sense that grief is a natural, and often unavoidable, response to being hurt and wronged. They are separate in the sense that forgiveness is a choice that is a willful response to a wrong while grief is the feelings and emotions related to the offense. They are also connected in the sense that the way to ultimately change our feelings is by choosing to forgive and letting go of the anger. This is certainly a process. We may have to reiterate the choice to forgive many times. We can choose to forgive regardless of how we feel.

5. How do you ever get over the trust issue? How do you forgive completely and not be leery of the future intentions of the person? I feel that I may not be forgiving completely if I am still remembering the deed and waiting for it to happen again? Forgiveness is unconditional while trust is conditional. Forgiveness is graciously granted while trust should be earned. You can choose in a moment to forgive someone, but it will take time, work, and counseling in some cases for trust to be restored. Forgiveness is about the past, but trust is about the future. Remember that forgiveness is not holding what the person did against them anymore so we must try to put what they did behind us and not just be waiting for it to happen again. However, it is wise to evaluate how much we can trust them going forward. Some factors to consider include:

• Was the wrongdoing confessed or discovered?
• Is it a pattern or an unusual occurrence?
• Is he open and honest?
• Does she give evidence of taking steps to make changes?
• Does he seem genuinely grieved about hurting me?

6. When I forgive, then remember again at a later time, with pain, the offense, does it mean that I have not forgiven? I would say that it means you are human. When that happens, we need to repeat the steps we took when originally forgiving the person, other than there is not a need to talk to the person again. There could be cases where it means that we have not really forgiven, but I think it is usually the process of dealing with our emotions. With some things, we may have to reaffirm our decision to leave it in the past several times.

7. When you forgive someone of a wrong, are they supposed to act like it never happened and you have no right to be upset any longer, no consequences? This is a difficult question because someone could seek to manipulate and take advantage of our graciousness in forgiving. That ends up pertaining to the trust issue instead of the forgiveness issue though. Remember that when we forgive we are taking them off of our hook and canceling the debt they owe us. We can’t really be forgiving and demanding consequences at the same time.

8. Why do other people want to be forgiven but they don’t want to forgive you if you do the slightest thing to them? How do you handle that situation? It is sinful human nature to act in that manner. I would refer back to question #1 for the answer to this question. This is not really an issue about us forgiving, but a situation where we will need to speak the truth in love to them. We certainly should not base whether or not we forgive or how we treat others on how they act.

Remember there is freedom Christ and He can help you with unforgiveness.

Footnotes:

• Mark 11:25-26
• Matthew 6:14-15
• Luke 6:35-38
• Ephesians 4:32
• Colossians 3:13
• Matthew 5:44-45
• Romans 12:20
• Luke 6:35-38
• Proverbs 20:22
• 1 John 1:9
• Matthew 18:35
• Psalm 103:12
• The Bible Promise Book, page 50-51, ISBN 978-1-55748-105-4
• Answers to What Would Jesus Do? WWJD?, page 16-17, ISBN 1-56292-462-1
• The Love Dare, Day 25: Love Forgives, ISBN 978-0-80544-885-6
• Dictionary.com
• BibleGateway.com
• The Secrets of Jonathan Sperry
• October Baby
• Martin Luther King, Jr. Quote
• Other 2 Quotes are unknown
• Johnny Hunt’s Men’s Conference 2015
• Jimmy Innman Sermon Notes on Forgiveness from True Life Church

_{Originally posted May 16, 2013. Last updated or republished May 18, 2024.}

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About the Author

Steve Patterson

A Christian Blogger that enjoys blogging about the Bible, Theology, God, Jesus Christ, Christian Music, Family, Cats, Odd Holidays, sewing and much more. I have been blogging since 2004, however, I have been blogging on Courageous Christian Father since 2012. I enjoy listening to Christian Music. I am married with 1 daughter, 2 step-sons and a step daughter.

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